Recipes

Everything Pigs in a Fluffy Down Comforter

Everything Pigs in a Fluffy Down Comforter

One of my favorite anecdotes from my boss, Mary Gail Pezzimenti, is that she once slaved over an ultra-luxe and memorable dinner party for all of her friends, buying premium ingredients such as arctic char, filet mignon, and truffles. But at the end of the night, instead of pleading for the recipes to her expensive entrées, everyone asked how she made her pigs in a blanket. Insert crying-laughing emoji. Never underestimate the power of a crowd-pleaser, especially if served with gourmet dips and spreads that are just as easy to make or purchase as cocktail weiners wrapped in pastry dough. God bless America and God bless this everything variety with homemade bagel seasoning, caramelized onions, and all the money you won’t be spending on ingredients that are difficult to pronounce and even more difficult to find in a standard grocery store.
Couverts27 pigs in a blanket
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Ingredients

FOR THE CARAMELIZED ONIONS

FOR THE EVERYTHING BAGEL SEASONING

Instructions

  • First make the caramelized onions: In a large nonstick skillet, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat.
  • Add the onion and cook, stirring often, until tender, about 5 minutes.
  • Reduce the heat to medium-low and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions are caramelized, about 40 minutes.
  • Season with salt and pepper and remove from the heat.
  • Set aside to cool.
  • Meanwhile, make the everything bagel seasoning: Combine the white sesame seeds, black sesame seeds, poppy seeds, garlic, onion, and salt in a small bowl.
  • (If not using immediately, store in an airtight container for up to 1 month. )
  • Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
  • On a lightly floured surface, roll out the puff pastry sheet to a 14-inch square.
  • Cut it into nine 4½-inch squares.
  • Brush the squares with 1 teaspoon of mustard each and top each with 1 tablespoon of the caramelized onions. (You can use any leftover onions for an omelet or to top a burger. )
  • Top each square with a frankfurter and roll the puff pastry around the frankfurter, sealing the bottom.
  • Brush the pastry with egg and sprinkle with the everything bagel seasoning.
  • Cut each pastry-wrapped frankfurter into thirds on a bias and place on the prepared baking sheet.
  • Freeze until firm, at least 1 hour (see tips).
  • Preheat the oven to 400ºF.
  • Transfer the pigs in a blanket to the oven and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until golden brown and puffed.
  • Serve with the honey Dijon for dipping.

Notes & Wine Advice

These are great to make ahead. Freeze the pigs in a blanket on the sheet pan, wrapped in plastic wrap, then, once frozen, transfer to a zip-top bag and store in the freezer until you are ready to bake them, up to 2 months.
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Course; Snack

Life-Affirming Gluten-Free Cheese Quesadillas

Life-Affirming Gluten-Free Cheese Quesadillas

Sometimes you want cheese, plain and simple. And sometimes you want to wrap said cheese in bread and dip it into sauces or sour cream so that it shines beyond its natural, glorious state. My grandma says that if she’s not dead by ninety, she’ll become a heroin addict, and I’m kind of like, #same, but swap heroin for cheese quesadillas. So simple, so satisfying, so something I can see myself making in bulk after losing a backgammon tournament at the nursing home.
Couverts2
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Ingredients

FOR THE GLUTEN-FREE TORTILLAS

Instructions

  • First make the gluten-free tortillas: In a large bowl, whisk together the chickpea flour, tapioca flour, and salt until combined.
  • Stream in the water and whisk until there are no lumps.
  • Heat an 8-inch nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.
  • Pour a generous ⅓ cup of the batter into the pan and swirl as you would if you were making a crepe.
  • If necessary, spread the batter with a spatula to achieve an even layer all around the pan.
  • Cook for 1 to 2 minutes per side, until the tortilla is golden brown.
  • Remove from the heat and repeat with the remaining batter.
  • Grease the outside of 2 tortillas with ½ tablespoon of butter each.
  • On the unbuttered side of one of the tortillas, spread the cream cheese.
  • Top with the cheddar and Monterey Jack.
  • Sandwich with the remaining tortilla, butter-side out.
  • Place the quesadilla in a nonstick medium skillet over medium heat.
  • Cook for 4 minutes per side, until the cheese is melted and the tortillas are golden brown and crispy.
  • Remove from the skillet, cut into quarters, and serve with sour cream, guacamole, and salsa.

Notes & Wine Advice

If you don’t have time to make your own gluten-free tortillas, you can always buy some. There are many options on the market, including quinoa flour tortillas, almond flour tortillas, brown rice tortillas, and coconut flour tortillas.
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Course; Cheese
Cuisine; Mexican
Diets; Gluten-Free

Insta-Worthy Farmers’ Market Caprese Salad with Burrata

Insta-Worthy Farmers’ Market Caprese Salad with Burrata

Be it colorful cakes, J.Crew sweaters, or three shades of drugstore foundation, basic bitches love to layer (I am the exception, as noted on page 39). It only makes sense to layer food, too, and caprese—when done meticulously—is layering at its finest. But I have to preface this recipe by declaring that the best caprese salads come only from a trip to the farmers’ market. So if you’re not willing to make the trek to support your local farmers, then your basic bitch card will be revoked. A farmers’ market will gift you with everything you need at maximum freshness. You have no excuse, especially when you know the basket of veggies, herbs, and cheese will make a cute photo op after yoga class that will guarantee 100+ likes.
Couverts6 servings
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Ingredients

  • 4 to 6 heirloom tomatoes in a variety of colors sliced and wedged
  • 1 7- to 8-ounce ball or 2 (4-ounce) balls fresh burrata cheese
  • 1 cup fresh basil leaves
  • ¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil
  • 3 tablespoons good-quality balsamic vinegar such as Artigianale
  • Flaky sea salt
  • Fresh coarsely ground black pepper

Instructions

  • Arrange the tomatoes and burrata on a serving platter.
  • Break open the burrata using a knife.
  • Garnish with the basil leaves, drizzle with the olive oil and balsamic vinegar, and season with flaky salt and pepper.
  • Serve.
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Course; Salad

Highway to Hell Soft Pretzels

Highway to Hell Soft Pretzels

Every time I walk by an Auntie Anne’s without buying something, a small part of my soul escapes through my nose and dies. When I realized there was very little of my soul left, I decided it’d be best to concoct my own soft pretzel recipe and secure a spot in, well, purgatory. (There are some things that I’m going to have to explain.) I’m convinced, though, that if given the opportunity to bake God some of these soft pretzels (with spicy mustard, of course), He’ll certainly admit me to heaven. And if He doesn’t, then I’ll see the rest of you all in what I imagine to be a giant hot tub with lots of horns, pitchforks, and questionably fashionable Speedos emblazoned with flames.
Couverts8
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • In the bowl of a stand mixer, combine the warm water, salt, and sugar.
  • Sprinkle the yeast on top and let sit until foaming, about 5 minutes.
  • Add the melted butter and flour and, using the dough hook, mix on low speed.
  • Once blended, increase speed to medium until the dough pulls from the sides and comes together and forms a ball.
  • Transfer the dough to an oiled bowl and cover the bowl with plastic wrap.
  • Place in a warm spot to proof for 1 hour, or until the dough has doubled in size.
  • Preheat the oven to 425ºF.
  • Line two baking sheets with parchment paper and brush the parchment with oil.
  • Turn the dough out onto a well-oiled work surface.
  • Divide it into 8 equal pieces about 1½ inches thick and 8 inches long.
  • Roll one piece into a 22-inch-long rope.
  • Gather the ends of the rope and bring them together, creating a circle.
  • Twist the ends and pull them forward, pressing them against the base of the circle to form a pretzel shape.
  • Transfer to the prepared baking sheet and repeat with the remaining pieces of dough.
  • In a small bowl, mix the baking soda and water.
  • Bring 7½ cups water to a boil in a large pot and add the baking soda mixture.
  • Drop the pretzels into the water, one at a time, and boil for 30 seconds.
  • Remove from the water with a slotted spoon and place back on the prepared baking sheet.
  • Sprinkle with coarse sea salt.
  • Repeat with the remaining pretzels.
  • Transfer the baking sheets to the oven and bake the pretzels until golden brown, 12 to 15 minutes.
  • Remove from the oven and serve with mustard.
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Course; Snack

Diet-Ruining Mozzarella Sticks

Diet-Ruining Mozzarella Sticks

Me every Sunday: “I want to start a diet, but I also want to coat cheese in bread crumbs and fry it.” This weekly struggle has led to a perfect mozzarella stick recipe and a not-so-perfect duo of love handles. I volley between whether I prefer to be skinny or temporarily satiated, though cheese typically wins, and unsurprisingly so. Is there anyone in the world who can resist gooey, cheesy amazingness drenched in marinara sauce? If that anyone is you, then you need to reconsider your priorities. Denying yourself cheese is Stephanie Tanner levels of rude, and I’m simply not here for it.
Couverts18 pieces
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Set a wire rack in a baking sheet and coat with nonstick spray.
  • Cut the mozzarella into ½ by 3-inch sticks (you should have about 18).
  • Set up a dredging station using three shallow dishes.
  • Put the flour in one and season with salt.
  • Put the eggs and cream in the second dish and whisk to combine.
  • In the final dish, combine the panko, garlic, onion, basil, parsley, and oregano and season with salt.
  • Dredge 1 piece of mozzarella in the flour, dip it in the egg mixture, and roll it in the panko mixture to coat all sides.
  • Dip the mozzarella stick back in the egg mixture, followed by the panko.
  • Transfer to the prepared rack.
  • Repeat with the remaining mozzarella.
  • Freeze the mozzarella sticks for at least 1 hour before frying.
  • In a large Dutch oven, heat the vegetable oil to 360ºF.
  • Remove the mozzarella sticks from the freezer and, working in batches of 4 or 5 at a time, fry the mozzarella sticks until golden brown, 2 to 3 minutes.
  • Transfer back to the wire rack, season lightly with salt, and repeat with the remaining mozzarella sticks.
  • Serve with the Pomodoro sauce.

Notes & Wine Advice

For this recipe, stay away from fresh mozzarella. It will not hold up as well as the processed favorite, Polly-O.
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Course; Cheese / Snack

Bro-tastic Baked Chicken Wings

Bro-tastic Baked Chicken Wings

I come from a huge football family, so you can imagine how thrilled my dad was when I asked for a Barbie after being potty trained and to be enrolled in gymnastics classes the year after that. In actuality, my dad is and has always been extremely supportive of me and my lack of football genetics, but one game-day commonality we share is a severe love for chicken wings. Seriously, I can morph into John Madden (with better clothes), talk pigskin, and root for the Steelers as long as there’s some sort of wing involved. I’ll even engage in stereotypically masculine activities, such as those god-awful bro-tastic handshakes or allowing my eyebrows to grow in—all for a delightfully spicy and crispy piece of chicken. But don’t get me started on the ranch vs. blue cheese dressing debate. I side with the latter in this food version of Sophie’s Choice.
Couverts4
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 425ºF.
  • Line two rimmed baking sheets with foil.
  • In a small bowl, whisk together the cornstarch and water.
  • Set aside.
  • In a small saucepan over medium-high heat, combine the garlic, ginger, soy sauce, honey, lime juice, and red pepper flakes, if using.
  • Heat until the honey dissolves.
  • Whisk in the cornstarch mixture and heat until the glaze thickens, 2 to 3 minutes.
  • Remove from the heat.
  • In a large bowl, toss the chicken wings with the vegetable oil and season with salt and black pepper.
  • Divide the wings evenly between the two prepared baking sheets and bake for 40 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through, until crispy.
  • Spread the glaze evenly over the wings and bake for an additional 5 to 7 minutes, until the glaze is bubbling and caramelized.
  • Transfer to a serving platter, garnish with the scallions and sesame seeds, and serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
If you prefer a Buffalo chicken wing, simply bake the wings as written, toss in ¼ cup Buffalo sauce and 4 tablespoons melted unsalted butter, and serve!
JUST THE TIPS
If you have the time, season your chicken wings and let them sit overnight in the fridge, uncovered. Remove them from the fridge and let them come to room temperature before baking.
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Course; Chicken

Dentist-Hating (or -Loving?) Popcorn

Dentist-Hating (or -Loving?) Popcorn

I need someone to invent a contraption that slices my hand off when I reach for snacks. And since popcorn is the one snack with which I surrender all self-control, this contraption would be an ideal gift, like… yesterday. Popcorn’s versatility is what makes it a star. You can coat it with literally anything, making it sweet, salty, healthy, and even bougie (hi, truffle salt and saffron). The only problem is that I smash popcorn into my mouth by the fistful, leading to kernel shells spot-welded to the roof of my mouth for days… weeks, even. This reinforces the fact that I may be one of the world’s most disgusting humans, but I’ll take any excuse to visit my hot dentist and open wide.
Couverts4
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Ingredients

  • ¼ cup popcorn kernels

FOR THE COCONUT OIL–NUTRITIONAL YEAST VARIETY

FOR THE RANCH VARIETY

Instructions

  • Using an air popper, pop the popcorn kernels into a large serving bowl.
  • For the coconut oil–nutritional yeast variety: Drizzle the coconut oil over the popped popcorn.
  • Sprinkle with the nutritional yeast and season with salt.
  • For the ranch variety: Drizzle the melted butter over the popped popcorn.
  • Sprinkle with the ranch seasoning and chopped chives.
  • For the garlic, rosemary, and Parmesan variety: In a small saucepan, combine the olive oil, garlic, and rosemary.
  • Heat for 1 minute, until the garlic is fragrant, then remove from the heat.
  • Drizzle the olive oil mixture over the popped popcorn.
  • Sprinkle with the Parmesan and season with salt.
  • Enjoy.

Notes & Wine Advice

BASIC BASICS
If you don’t have an air popper, you can either microwave popcorn kernels in a brown paper bag with the top rolled down to seal it or pop them in a pot on the stove. For the stovetop option, add a bit of oil to the pan and 1 kernel over medium heat. Wait for the kernel to pop, remove the piece of popcorn (chef snack!), and add the remaining kernels. Cover with a lid and cook until you stop hearing the kernels popping as frequently. Remove from the heat and wait a minute before removing the lid. You could also use a bag of lightly salted microwave popcorn that doesn’t have any butter.
THE MORE YOU GLOW
Nutritional yeast is grown to be used as a food product. Vegans typically use it as a replacement for the nutty, savory flavor of cheese. It’s also a good source of B vitamins.
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Course; Snack

Nuts About Nut Butter

Nuts About Nut Butter

Choosy moms may choose Jif, but smart moms choose to make their own nut butter. It’s free of added oils, sugars, and preservatives and can include your favorite nut or seed. Macadamia is my personal favorite, although anything fattening or Hawaiian is finding its way into my mouth lately. I blame Moana, who seems to have more of an influence on my life than Alanis Morissette did in the 1990s. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think? No. It’s not. Much like everything in the song, which actually makes it ironic. We don’t deserve you, Alanis. Nor do we deserve this super-easy-to-make recipe that you can easily spread on what is, perhaps, the most basic grocery item of all: rice cakes.
Couverts2 cups
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Ingredients

  • 4 cups raw nuts almonds, walnuts, peanuts, hazelnuts, any kind you prefer
  • ¾ teaspoon sea salt

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
  • Spread the nuts over a baking sheet and toast in the oven for about 5 minutes, until fragrant.
  • Remove from the oven and transfer to a food processor or blender.
  • Add the salt.
  • Process the nuts until they transform into a creamy butter, scraping down the sides of the bowl or blender jar as needed, about 25 minutes.
  • Once the nut butter is creamy, store it in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 1 month.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
Have fun here and try out different add-ins to create your own blend of nut butter. Think maple syrup, vanilla extract, chia seeds, flaxseed, cinnamon, or even chocolate!
Don’t forget about seed butter. Sunflower seeds are a delicious option.
JUST THE TIPS
This may come as a shock, but a true nut butter has just one ingredient: nuts! While I like to add a little salt, you don’t need to add anything to develop a creamy texture. Just have the patience to wait the 25 minutes for the nuts to break down.
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Course; Butter / Nuts

Mom’s Definitely-Not-Sicilian Sicilian Caesar Salad

Mom’s Definitely-Not-Sicilian Sicilian Caesar Salad

I didn’t grow up on a creamy Caesar. Instead, it was my mom’s garlicky version that she would credit to her rustic roots and Sicilian heritage. But after doing some research (read: Google), I found that Caesar’s roots are not only not in Italy, they’re totally Sun-In! (I knew he wasn’t a natural blond.) My other, perhaps more relevant discovery was that there seems to be no trace of a “Sicilian Caesar” in existence. So this is a Caesar that is actually sans predictable mayonnaise, and with an egg, lemon juice, and lots of garlic instead: a Caesar that has spent a few too many hours on the beaches of Tulum, has basted in bronzer, and is dying to let you know that it visited its grandmother in Italy once and has the Instagrams to prove it. Either way, it’s delicious and perfect for a dinner party with guests who have last names that end in vowels. And if you want to make it authentically Robin (my mom), be sure to serve it with lots of love, but also a backhanded compliment that leads to dramatic hand movements and unnecessary F-bombs. Ah, the tastes of home.
Couverts4
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Ingredients

FOR THE SEASONED CROUTONS

FOR THE SALAD

Instructions

  • First make the seasoned croutons: Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
  • In a small saucepan over medium heat, combine the butter, olive oil, garlic powder, onion powder, oregano, basil, thyme, and salt.
  • Cook until the butter is melted and the flavors are combined, 2 to 3 minutes.
  • Remove from the heat.
  • (If not using immediately, store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days or in the freezer for up to 1 month.)
  • Put the bread cubes in a large bowl and pour the butter mixture over them.
  • Toss to coat, then spread the cubes on a baking sheet in a single even layer.
  • Transfer to the oven and bake for 12 to 15 minutes, tossing halfway through, until light brown and toasted.
  • Remove from the oven and let cool.
  • Make the salad: In a small bowl, marinate the garlic in olive oil for 30 minutes.
  • Stir in the salt and pepper.
  • Place the romaine lettuce in a large salad bowl.
  • Remove the garlic pieces from the oil, discard the garlic, and pour the oil over the romaine.
  • Toss lightly.
  • Season with salt and pepper.
  • Break the egg over the salad, add the lemon juice, and toss again.
  • Add the croutons and Parmesan.
  • Garnish with the anchovies, if using.
  • Serve immediately.

Notes & Wine Advice

Traditionally, Caesar salad was made tableside by a waiter dressed in a tuxedo who could toss together romaine lettuce, a whole egg, cheese, and garlic. Yes, a whole egg.
While most dressing can be made in advance, this dressing, because of the raw egg, should be made the day you are planning to use it. While it’s safe for healthy adults to consume raw eggs, those with compromised immune systems, the elderly, and pregnant women should avoid them.
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Course; Salad
Cuisine; European / Italian

Soul Mate Queso Dip

Soul Mate Queso Dip

I’d like to shake the hand of the person who decided to melt cheese, add jalapeño, and dip things into it. That person is my kind of person, and I think we would have been super compatible. If you’re a keto queen, you can also substitute vegetables for the chips and go carb-free crazy. If you’re a carb queen, like me, you can figure out other types of carbs to dip into the cheesy goodness. The possibilities are endless, unlike the lie of “the possibilities are endless” that your parents and teachers preached during your adolescence. I’d like my money back, please. And by money, I mean childhood life lessons.
Couverts4 cups
Deel op Facebook Print Recipe

Ingredients

Instructions

  • Heat the olive oil in a medium pot over medium-high heat.
  • Add the onion, bell pepper, garlic, jalapeños, and a generous pinch of salt and cook, stirring, until very soft, about 7 minutes.
  • Reduce the heat to medium-low, add the cream, and bring to a simmer.
  • Add the cheeses and cook, stirring continuously, until melted.
  • Add the green chilies, taste, and adjust the seasoning.
  • Serve warm, garnished with cilantro, if desired, with the tortilla chips on the side.

Notes & Wine Advice

For a melty queso, make sure to always buy full blocks of cheese and grate them yourself at home. It may take a little more effort, but pre-shredded cheese is coated in anticlumping agents that prevent you from getting the ooey-gooey queso you’ve been looking for.
Looking for a block of American cheese? Go to the deli counter of your local grocery store and ask for one
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Course; Sauce