Recipes

Dentist-Hating (or -Loving?) Popcorn

Dentist-Hating (or -Loving?) Popcorn

I need someone to invent a contraption that slices my hand off when I reach for snacks. And since popcorn is the one snack with which I surrender all self-control, this contraption would be an ideal gift, like… yesterday. Popcorn’s versatility is what makes it a star. You can coat it with literally anything, making it sweet, salty, healthy, and even bougie (hi, truffle salt and saffron). The only problem is that I smash popcorn into my mouth by the fistful, leading to kernel shells spot-welded to the roof of my mouth for days… weeks, even. This reinforces the fact that I may be one of the world’s most disgusting humans, but I’ll take any excuse to visit my hot dentist and open wide.
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Ingredients

  • ¼ cup popcorn kernels

FOR THE COCONUT OIL–NUTRITIONAL YEAST VARIETY

FOR THE RANCH VARIETY

Instructions

  • Using an air popper, pop the popcorn kernels into a large serving bowl.
  • For the coconut oil–nutritional yeast variety: Drizzle the coconut oil over the popped popcorn.
  • Sprinkle with the nutritional yeast and season with salt.
  • For the ranch variety: Drizzle the melted butter over the popped popcorn.
  • Sprinkle with the ranch seasoning and chopped chives.
  • For the garlic, rosemary, and Parmesan variety: In a small saucepan, combine the olive oil, garlic, and rosemary.
  • Heat for 1 minute, until the garlic is fragrant, then remove from the heat.
  • Drizzle the olive oil mixture over the popped popcorn.
  • Sprinkle with the Parmesan and season with salt.
  • Enjoy.

Notes & Wine Advice

BASIC BASICS
If you don’t have an air popper, you can either microwave popcorn kernels in a brown paper bag with the top rolled down to seal it or pop them in a pot on the stove. For the stovetop option, add a bit of oil to the pan and 1 kernel over medium heat. Wait for the kernel to pop, remove the piece of popcorn (chef snack!), and add the remaining kernels. Cover with a lid and cook until you stop hearing the kernels popping as frequently. Remove from the heat and wait a minute before removing the lid. You could also use a bag of lightly salted microwave popcorn that doesn’t have any butter.
THE MORE YOU GLOW
Nutritional yeast is grown to be used as a food product. Vegans typically use it as a replacement for the nutty, savory flavor of cheese. It’s also a good source of B vitamins.
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Course; Snack

Nuts About Nut Butter

Nuts About Nut Butter

Choosy moms may choose Jif, but smart moms choose to make their own nut butter. It’s free of added oils, sugars, and preservatives and can include your favorite nut or seed. Macadamia is my personal favorite, although anything fattening or Hawaiian is finding its way into my mouth lately. I blame Moana, who seems to have more of an influence on my life than Alanis Morissette did in the 1990s. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think? No. It’s not. Much like everything in the song, which actually makes it ironic. We don’t deserve you, Alanis. Nor do we deserve this super-easy-to-make recipe that you can easily spread on what is, perhaps, the most basic grocery item of all: rice cakes.
Couverts2 cups
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Ingredients

  • 4 cups raw nuts almonds, walnuts, peanuts, hazelnuts, any kind you prefer
  • ¾ teaspoon sea salt

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
  • Spread the nuts over a baking sheet and toast in the oven for about 5 minutes, until fragrant.
  • Remove from the oven and transfer to a food processor or blender.
  • Add the salt.
  • Process the nuts until they transform into a creamy butter, scraping down the sides of the bowl or blender jar as needed, about 25 minutes.
  • Once the nut butter is creamy, store it in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 1 month.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
Have fun here and try out different add-ins to create your own blend of nut butter. Think maple syrup, vanilla extract, chia seeds, flaxseed, cinnamon, or even chocolate!
Don’t forget about seed butter. Sunflower seeds are a delicious option.
JUST THE TIPS
This may come as a shock, but a true nut butter has just one ingredient: nuts! While I like to add a little salt, you don’t need to add anything to develop a creamy texture. Just have the patience to wait the 25 minutes for the nuts to break down.
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Course; Butter / Nuts

Mom’s Definitely-Not-Sicilian Sicilian Caesar Salad

Mom’s Definitely-Not-Sicilian Sicilian Caesar Salad

I didn’t grow up on a creamy Caesar. Instead, it was my mom’s garlicky version that she would credit to her rustic roots and Sicilian heritage. But after doing some research (read: Google), I found that Caesar’s roots are not only not in Italy, they’re totally Sun-In! (I knew he wasn’t a natural blond.) My other, perhaps more relevant discovery was that there seems to be no trace of a “Sicilian Caesar” in existence. So this is a Caesar that is actually sans predictable mayonnaise, and with an egg, lemon juice, and lots of garlic instead: a Caesar that has spent a few too many hours on the beaches of Tulum, has basted in bronzer, and is dying to let you know that it visited its grandmother in Italy once and has the Instagrams to prove it. Either way, it’s delicious and perfect for a dinner party with guests who have last names that end in vowels. And if you want to make it authentically Robin (my mom), be sure to serve it with lots of love, but also a backhanded compliment that leads to dramatic hand movements and unnecessary F-bombs. Ah, the tastes of home.
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Ingredients

FOR THE SEASONED CROUTONS

FOR THE SALAD

Instructions

  • First make the seasoned croutons: Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
  • In a small saucepan over medium heat, combine the butter, olive oil, garlic powder, onion powder, oregano, basil, thyme, and salt.
  • Cook until the butter is melted and the flavors are combined, 2 to 3 minutes.
  • Remove from the heat.
  • (If not using immediately, store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days or in the freezer for up to 1 month.)
  • Put the bread cubes in a large bowl and pour the butter mixture over them.
  • Toss to coat, then spread the cubes on a baking sheet in a single even layer.
  • Transfer to the oven and bake for 12 to 15 minutes, tossing halfway through, until light brown and toasted.
  • Remove from the oven and let cool.
  • Make the salad: In a small bowl, marinate the garlic in olive oil for 30 minutes.
  • Stir in the salt and pepper.
  • Place the romaine lettuce in a large salad bowl.
  • Remove the garlic pieces from the oil, discard the garlic, and pour the oil over the romaine.
  • Toss lightly.
  • Season with salt and pepper.
  • Break the egg over the salad, add the lemon juice, and toss again.
  • Add the croutons and Parmesan.
  • Garnish with the anchovies, if using.
  • Serve immediately.

Notes & Wine Advice

Traditionally, Caesar salad was made tableside by a waiter dressed in a tuxedo who could toss together romaine lettuce, a whole egg, cheese, and garlic. Yes, a whole egg.
While most dressing can be made in advance, this dressing, because of the raw egg, should be made the day you are planning to use it. While it’s safe for healthy adults to consume raw eggs, those with compromised immune systems, the elderly, and pregnant women should avoid them.
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Course; Salad
Cuisine; European / Italian

Soul Mate Queso Dip

Soul Mate Queso Dip

I’d like to shake the hand of the person who decided to melt cheese, add jalapeño, and dip things into it. That person is my kind of person, and I think we would have been super compatible. If you’re a keto queen, you can also substitute vegetables for the chips and go carb-free crazy. If you’re a carb queen, like me, you can figure out other types of carbs to dip into the cheesy goodness. The possibilities are endless, unlike the lie of “the possibilities are endless” that your parents and teachers preached during your adolescence. I’d like my money back, please. And by money, I mean childhood life lessons.
Couverts4 cups
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Heat the olive oil in a medium pot over medium-high heat.
  • Add the onion, bell pepper, garlic, jalapeños, and a generous pinch of salt and cook, stirring, until very soft, about 7 minutes.
  • Reduce the heat to medium-low, add the cream, and bring to a simmer.
  • Add the cheeses and cook, stirring continuously, until melted.
  • Add the green chilies, taste, and adjust the seasoning.
  • Serve warm, garnished with cilantro, if desired, with the tortilla chips on the side.

Notes & Wine Advice

For a melty queso, make sure to always buy full blocks of cheese and grate them yourself at home. It may take a little more effort, but pre-shredded cheese is coated in anticlumping agents that prevent you from getting the ooey-gooey queso you’ve been looking for.
Looking for a block of American cheese? Go to the deli counter of your local grocery store and ask for one
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Course; Sauce

Five-Star Guacamole

Five-Star Guacamole

I’m going to make enemies by saying this, but I never really crave Mexican food (or at least Americanized versions of it). It’s fine, I’ll devour a taco or seven when they’re in front of me, but it’s not my go-to cuisine like Asian, Italian, or deep-fried American. Guacamole, on the other hand, is something I crave on a daily basis and pretty much make on the weekly. When it comes to apps, I give it five stars, like the Uber driver who recently sang Ariana Grande’s “No Tears Left to Cry” with me in not-so-perfect harmony (it’s the thought that counts). This variation, which really highlights the fresh cilantro, also deserves five stars. So swipe right, chica, and start pickin’ it up, pickin’ it up… with a tortilla chip, of course.
Couverts3 cups
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • In a large bowl, mash together the avocados, lemon juice, cumin, and salt to taste, making sure to leave the mixture a little chunky.
  • Fold in the jalapeño, red onion, tomato, and cilantro.
  • Taste and adjust the seasoning.
  • Serve immediately, or cover the bowl with plastic wrap pressed directly against the surface of the guacamole to prevent browning and refrigerate for up to 2 days.

Notes & Wine Advice

JUST THE TIPS
Wondering how to pick the perfect avocado? Gently squeeze the avocado in your hand; a perfect avocado will be firm but yield to some pressure. Unripe avocados will remain hard.
Need to ripen your avocados? Place them in a brown paper bag, add an apple, and close the bag. Apples naturally release ethylene, which speeds up the ripening process by 2 to 3 days.
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Course; Sauce

I’m Like, 75 Percent Italian Bruschetta

I’m Like, 75 Percent Italian Bruschetta

I’m that annoying person who was once corrected by an equally annoying person on how to properly pronounce “bruschetta.” The “ch” sound is more like a “k.” K? And despite the fact that my great-grandmother Vincenza Albanese is probably rolling in her grave over my frequent attempts to speak proper Italian, I wear my heritage like a badge of honor, sans the tragic graphic T-shirts and excess hair spray associated with self-proclaimed guidos. But what makes up for my inability to speak the native tongue? This garlicky bruschetta, of course. Just one bite will have you assuming that I sip caffès, wear head-to-toe Gucci, and hang a poster of Sophia Loren eating rigatoni in my bedroom. Mangia!
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Ingredients

FOR THE TOMATOES

FOR THE WHIPPED RICOTTA

Instructions

  • First make the tomatoes: Preheat the broiler.
  • In a large bowl, combine the tomatoes, shallot, garlic (if using), vinegar, and olive oil.
  • Season with salt and pepper.
  • Set aside for at least 10 minutes and up to 1 hour.
  • Meanwhile, make the whipped ricotta: In a food processor, combine the ricotta, olive oil, salt, and pepper.
  • Process until smooth, 1 to 2 minutes.
  • Taste and adjust the seasonings.
  • Set aside.
  • Spread the baguette slices in an even layer across two baking sheets.
  • Drizzle both sides with olive oil and season with salt.
  • Transfer to the oven to toast for about 1 minute per side.
  • Remove from the oven and rub the garlic cloves over the slices of bread.
  • Let cool.
  • Spread a thin layer of whipped ricotta over the toasted baguette slices and top with the tomato mixture.
  • Garnish with the basil, a drizzle of olive oil, and a little flaky sea salt.
  • Serve immediately.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
Mix up your tomato varieties. Use different heirloom tomatoes along with cherry tomatoes for a blend of flavors.
JUST THE TIPS
Bruschetta is a simple dish that has one main rule to follow: Use only the freshest ingredients. Tomatoes are in season in the summer, and you want to use only those tomatoes that are picked at the peak of ripeness.
Garlic is an essential component of this bruschetta. Rub a peeled clove over the freshly toasted slices of bread to extract the flavor. This is what Italians call a fettunta.
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Course; Bread / Tapas
Cuisine; European / Italian

Dangerously Delicious Pita Chips and Millennial Pink Hummus

Dangerously Delicious Pita Chips and Millennial Pink Hummus

There have been a few times when I’ve essentially needed stitches for cutting my lip on a pita chip. When I’m noshing on snacks, I go hard, and since I eat hummus every day of my life (#fact), the possibility of injury increases drastically. This probability is at an all-time high when I pair the hazardous chip with a beautiful pink beet hummus. And not just any pink… millennial pink, the rosé-hued, subdued version of Barbie’s signature Corvette that has graced pedicures, Rent the Runway gowns, and Jeffree Star YouTube videos for years. Now if only our older generation can give us a stable economy and competent politicians, we’ll give you more millennial-inspired foods.
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Ingredients

FOR THE PITA CHIPS

FOR THE TOASTED CHICKPEAS

FOR THE HUMMUS

Instructions

  • First make the pita chips: Preheat the oven to 375ºF.
  • In a large bowl, toss the pita wedges with the olive oil and season with salt.
  • Divide the pita wedges evenly between two baking sheets in a single layer.
  • Bake until crisp, 10 to 12 minutes, rotating the trays halfway through.
  • Remove from the oven and let cool.
  • Raise the oven temperature to 400ºF.
  • Make the toasted chickpeas: In a large bowl, combine the chickpeas, olive oil, and salt and toss to coat evenly.
  • Add to a baking sheet in a single layer.
  • Roast, stirring occasionally, for 35 to 40 minutes, until crispy on the outside.
  • Remove from the oven and toss to coat with the cumin, coriander, and sumac.
  • Set aside.
  • Meanwhile, make the hummus: In a medium saucepot, combine the chickpeas, baking soda, 1 garlic clove, the bay leaf, and water to cover and bring to a boil over high heat.
  • Reduce the heat to medium and boil for 15 to 20 minutes, until the chickpeas begin to break down and their skins loosen.
  • Drain the chickpeas, discarding the garlic and bay leaf.
  • In a blender, combine the lemon juice, remaining garlic clove, beet, and a generous pinch each of salt and pepper.
  • Blend until the garlic and beet are finely chopped.
  • Add the tahini and cumin and blend to combine.
  • Add the chickpeas and blend until smooth.
  • If the mixture becomes too thick, add a few tablespoons of water.
  • With the blender running on low, drizzle in the olive oil.
  • Taste and adjust the seasoning.
  • Transfer to a serving bowl and chill until ready to serve.
  • Garnish with the toasted chickpeas, a drizzle of olive oil, and chopped parsley.
  • Serve with the pita chips.

Notes & Wine Advice

JUST THE TIPS
For the creamiest hummus, make sure you use overcooked chickpeas. You can absolutely start with dried chickpeas and make this from scratch, but canned chickpeas work just fine.
Add a bit of baking soda to raise the pH of the water you boil your chickpeas in. This will help the chickpeas break down, resulting in the perfect product for a creamy hummus.
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Course; Snack

All Hail the Kale (and Other Veggie) Chips

All Hail the Kale (and Other Veggie) Chips

be trusted… ever… even in a game of Monopoly. But what I will tell you is that these and other veggie chips are perfect vessels for salt and seasonings, to distract you from the fact that they’re healthy. And when it comes to the mundanity of everyday life, I’ll take distractions in any form.
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 275ºF.
  • Stem the kale and tear the leaves into bite-size pieces.
  • Toss the kale with the olive oil to coat, massaging the oil into the leaves gently.
  • Sprinkle with za’atar, if using, and season with salt.
  • Spread evenly in a single layer on two baking sheets and transfer to the oven.
  • Bake until crispy, rotating the pans halfway through, 25 to 30 minutes.
  • Remove from the oven and serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

Looking to make other vegetable chips, such as beet or sweet potato chips? Using a mandoline, slice the vegetables very thin. Toss with olive oil, season with salt, and bake in a preheated 375ºF oven for 15 to 20 minutes, until crisp. Remove from the oven and let cool before serving.
BASIC BASICS
While you could buy already chopped kale in a bag, you run the risk of the large, woody stems being included. I prefer to buy a bunch of kale and stem it myself, then breaking up the leaves into bite-size pieces by hand.
Wash and dry your kale completely before roasting. Excess moisture on the kale will result is a less crispy chip.
Massage the oil into your kale. Kale is a sturdy green and can benefit from a quick oil massage to soften it.
Make sure your chips are spread out in an even layer on your baking sheet, not overlapping, for best results.
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Course; Snack
Diets; Vegetarian

Spinach and Artichoke’s High School Reunion Dip

Spinach and Artichoke’s High School Reunion Dip

Oh, the days of high school, when I would order this and assume I was checking off my veggie servings on the food pyramid. Now I don’t have to worry about a food pyramid or what shape my body resembles because I eat this in bed, with Hulu, and judge anyone who believes their Friday night plans at a dive bar or apartment party are better than mine. Because they’re not! The beauty of this dip is that you can use fresh or canned varieties of either vegetable, though you should certainly aim for the former, because every self-help book keeps telling you to “love yourself.” Wow! Riveting! Never heard that one before.
Couverts4 cups
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Leaving a 2-inch border, cut the center out of the pumpernickel boule, creating a bowl for your dip.
  • Cut the bread from the center into bite-size pieces.
  • Set aside until ready to serve.
  • In a straight-sided large skillet, heat the olive oil and butter over medium-high heat.
  • Add the shallot and sauté until translucent, about 3 minutes.
  • Add the garlic and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds.
  • Add the spinach a handful at a time, stirring to wilt.
  • Season with salt and black pepper and a pinch of red pepper flakes.
  • Cook until all the excess liquid from the spinach has evaporated, about 4 minutes.
  • Add the artichokes and cook until heated through, about 2 minutes.
  • Reduce the heat to medium-low and add the mozzarella and cream cheese.
  • Stir until the cheeses have melted.
  • Add the sour cream, mayonnaise, and Parmesan.
  • Taste and adjust the seasoning.
  • Transfer to your prepared bread bowl and serve with the bread cubes for dipping.

Notes & Wine Advice

JUST THE TIPS
You can serve this spinach-and-artichoke dip with chips, a bread bowl, crackers, or vegetable crudités, but make sure it remains warm by keeping it in a slow cooker or on the stove.
If you’re pressed for time, feel free to use frozen spinach. Just make sure to defrost the spinach and wring out all the excess liquid
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Course; Sauce

Simply Glorious Avocado Toast

Simply Glorious Avocado Toast

I have a random obsession with gospel music, even though I’m pretty sure I’d burst into flames walking into any place of worship. But when I think of the basic bitch lifestyle, I hear large-framed, sequin-clad angels joining together in glorious sidestep to sing avocado toast’s praises to the Lord Jesus. Can I get an amen on whole-grain toast topped with red pepper flakes and pickled red onions? AMEN! This recipe will turn you into a believer. And if not, it will at least keep you satiated on a Sunday morning when you have very few ingredients in your pantry, are recounting the previous night’s sins, and need something to feel light as an angel (and that isn’t a communion wafer).
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • First make the pickled red onions: Put the red onion in a large glass bowl.
  • Set aside.
  • In a medium stockpot, combine the vinegar, sugar, salt, water, bay leaf, coriander, mustard seeds, peppercorns, and garlic.
  • Bring to a boil and stir until the sugar and salt dissolve.
  • Remove from the heat and pour over the red onion.
  • Let sit until the liquid cools to room temperature.
  • Transfer to an airtight container and refrigerate for at least 2 hours.
  • Mash the avocado slices onto the toast.
  • Drizzle with the lemon juice and season with salt.
  • Top with pickled red onion, micro cilantro, flaky sea salt, and red pepper flakes.
  • Serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
There are a world of possibilities on how to make your avocado toast, so don’t limit yourself! If you prefer a more guacamole vibe, mash your avocado in a separate bowl with the addition of some lemon juice and salt before spreading it onto your toast. If mashed avocado isn’t your thing, feel free to thinly slice and fan out the avocado. It not only looks pretty but tastes great!
Looking to add more protein to your avocado toast? Add some chickpeas or hummus with your avocado or top it with a fried egg.
JUST THE TIPS
You’ll want to use a perfectly ripe avocado for your toast. If there are any brown spots, cut them out.
Salt and acid are key when making avocado toast. Whether you are mashing the avocado or slicing it, make sure that you are seasoning as you go
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Course; Appetizer