Recipes

The Joejito

The Joejito

My dad’s cooking reminds me of businessmen in Hugo Boss suits wearing sneakers. But every once in a while he swaps the Keds for a pair of suede Ferragamos and gets it right. Those Ferragamos are his mojito… and it is perfection. I was upper middle class enough to have a lime tree in my backyard growing up in Florida, and my dad picked and juiced its limes consistently. The only problem is that he eyeballs everything he makes, and to get him to create an actual recipe was beyond pulling teeth. It was like pulling rotted gums, the tongue, and that dangling flap of skin in the back of your throat that surely has a scientific name I’ll never remember. But alas, he caved, and this is the recipe I may or may not have blacked out on during multiple family gatherings.
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Ingredients

FOR THE CITRUS-MINT SIMPLE SYRUP

Instructions

  • First make the citrus-mint simple syrup: In a medium saucepan, combine the water and sugar and bring to a boil over high heat.
  • Reduce the heat to maintain a simmer and stir until the sugar has dissolved.
  • Remove from the heat and add the lime rind and mint sprigs.
  • Let cool to room temperature.
  • Transfer to an airtight container and refrigerate until ready to use, up to one month.
  • Slap 6 leaves from the mint sprigs into the palm of your hand to release their flavors.
  • Put them at the bottom of a highball glass.
  • Fill with ice and set aside.
  • In a shaker filled with ice, combine ¼ cup of the citrus-mint simple syrup, the lime rinds, lime juice, lemon juice, and white rum.
  • Shake until chilled.
  • Pour into the prepared glass and garnish with lemon and lime wedges and a mint sprig.
  • Serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
White rum is traditional, but feel free to experiment with gold or dark.
JUST THE TIPS
Never tear the leaves of your mint sprigs for your mojito; this allows the bitterness from the mint to enter the drink.
Don’t overmuddle your mint leaves; instead, “slap” them in the palm of your hand to release their flavor.
Use a 1-1-2 ratio (lime–simple syrup–rum).
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Course; Alcohol / Cocktails

The Ultimate Mimosa Bar

The Ultimate Mimosa Bar

I know I’m not the only one who makes eye contact with a hot guy on the train and immediately thinks he’s meant to be my boyfriend. After a mimosa-fueled brunch, he’s meant to be my husband. And what’s better than a mimosa? Well, a husband, I guess, but also a mimosa bar. I highly suggest buying more bubbly than you think you’ll need, because you know your drunk-ass friends are going to pour as though they have Jaime Lannister’s gold hand from Game of Thrones. Ultimately this is a cheers to bubbles, because a little fizz just gets us more excited than a sticker sale at Michaels.
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Ingredients

  • 1 750-milliliter bottle prosecco or cava, chilled
  • 1 cup pulp-free orange juice chilled

Instructions

  • Fill 6 to 8 champagne flutes halfway with prosecco.
  • Top off with the orange juice.
  • Serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
Mimosas are classically made with orange juice, but feel free to put out an array of fruit juices to mix and match: grapefruit, mango, pineapple, pomegranate, cranberry, peach, pear, or any others. Just make sure they’re 100 percent fruit juice.
The classic ratio is two parts champagne to one part juice, but feel free to adjust the ratio to whatever suits your taste buds.
Don’t forget a fresh fruit garnish! Pomegranate seeds, fresh cranberries, pineapple, mango, slices of orange or grapefruit, anything you like.
Looking to make your mimosa extra special? Mix in a splash of elderflower or orange liqueur.
JUST THE TIPS
Always serve your mimosas in a champagne flute, with or without a stem. There’s a reason champagne has its own special glass: it helps preserve the bubbles.
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Course; Cocktails

You Go, Glenn Hot Cocoa

You Go, Glenn Hot Cocoa

There’s nothing I loathe more in life than the months of January to March. What is there to look forward to beyond layering your Burberry scarves for cold weather? Layering, in general, is probably the most annoying action in the entire world, only behind waiting in line at the DMV. Can you imagine having to layer up to wait in line at the DMV? Just throw me into oncoming traffic, please. My idea of winter perfection, however, is lying naked on a bearskin rug in a cabin by the fire, with jazz playing in the background, sipping a hot cocoa with literally no effs to give. And if I’m lucky enough to ever find myself in this setting (the Wall Street husband needs to swipe right on Tinder) and not in the slushy streets of New York, this is the cocoa I’d prefer to be consuming in mass quantities.
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • In a small saucepan over medium heat, combine the milk, coconut sugar, and cocoa powder, whisking to remove any lumps.
  • When the milk is just at a low simmer, add the chocolate and stir until the chocolate melts.
  • Stir in the vanilla, cayenne, cinnamon, and salt and remove from the heat.
  • Pour into a large mug.
  • Garnish with whipped cream, chocolate shavings, and additional cinnamon, along with the cinnamon stick and toasted marshmallows, if desired.
  • Serve immediately.

Notes & Wine Advice

JUST THE TIPS
Your hot chocolate is only as good as the quality of the ingredients you put into it:
Use Dutch-process cocoa powder.
Use high-quality chocolate.
Use whole milk (or, if you are dairy-free, nut/oat milk).
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Course; Chocolate / Hot drinks

Beychella-Body Lemonade Turned Summer Shandy

Beychella-Body Lemonade Turned Summer Shandy

A healthy lemonade can be detoxifying, and the best way to mess all of that up is to put it in some beer and create a shandy. If you’re “being good,” here is a great lemonade recipe that I think even Beyoncé could get behind. And since it’s an inarguable fact that we should all aspire to be Queen Bey, that’s all the justification I need. But yes, the diet-ruining beer part. We basics are typically fine with any light variety that’s easy on calories but heavy on “I’m a fun girl!” vibes. And exes say we’re difficult to please? Tell ’em, “Boy, bye.”
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • In a large pitcher, combine the cold water, lemon juice, stevia, and lemon slices.
  • Mix to combine.
  • Transfer to the refrigerator to chill until ready to serve.
  • Serve over ice, garnished with a lemon slice.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
If you need a little something more with your lemonade that’s equally refreshing, try making a shandy! Use equal parts your favorite light beer and lemonade, and garnish with a slice of lemon.
Craving something spicy? Add a splash of fresh ginger juice.
JUST THE TIPS
Making your own lemonade allows you to control the amount of sugar going into your drink.
Want to make sure your lemonade doesn’t get watered down? Double the recipe and freeze half in ice cube trays. When you’re ready to serve, use the frozen lemonade cubes instead of ice.
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Course; Cold Drinks

Instagram-Friendly Aperol Spritz

Instagram-Friendly Aperol Spritz

Here’s one for all you “micro-influencers” out there. During a summer trip in Europe, the Aperol Spritz was our go-to drink even before we knew about apps such as Facetune to enhance* bold colors and details for Instagram (*completely alter reality to create false perceptions about people, places, and things). That orange, guuuuuurrrlllllllll, it really pops and will have anyone envying your alfresco dining situation. And with only three ingredients, it is perhaps the easiest and most effective way to pretend those 102-degree temperatures feel like nothing (when the reality is that the sweaty spaghetti straps on your boho chic tank top are melting into fettuccine).
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Fill a large wineglass with ice.
  • Pour in the prosecco and Aperol.
  • Top with the club soda.
  • Garnish with the orange slice.
  • Enjoy!

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN

While there’s no need to improve this nearly perfect drink, here are a couple of ways to put a spin on the Aperol Spritz:
Add a splash of fresh grapefruit or lemon juice.
Garnish with a few slices of cucumber.
Add a splash of gin or vodka.
Can’t wait until aperitivo hour to have your spritz? Try making a frozen Aperol Spritz! Put the Aperol and prosecco in a blender with 2 cups ice. Blend until smooth. Pour into a glass and top with club soda.
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Course; Cocktails

Hot Damn Sriracha Bloody Mary

Hot Damn Sriracha Bloody Mary

It’s no secret that I love hot and spicy food, so in addition to the hundred-plus people I’d like to dracarys on a daily basis, I’d do it to my Bloody to ensure it has extra heat. But since I don’t have any dragons to fly, it only makes sense to incorporate my favorite condiment of all time, sriracha, into what is arguably the best hair-of-the-dog drink you can sip at brunch. I also am not the hugest fan of tomatoes (am I the only one who thinks they taste like dishwater?), so you know this ish has got to be good if it’s hitting my tongue and getting me out of bed during a hangover.
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Fill a pint glass with ice and set aside.
  • In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine the vodka, tomato juice, lemon juice, lime juice, horseradish, Worcestershire sauce, sriracha sauce, celery salt, and cumin.
  • Give it a few shakes and strain into the prepared glass.
  • Garnish with caper berries, cocktail onions, the celery stalk, and the lime and lemon wedges.
  • Serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
Switch up the base of your Bloody Mary by using Clamato—tomato juice that has clam broth added to it.
Make a big batch for a party and set up a garnish bar for your guests to make their own personalized Bloody Marys. Garnish options: pickles, bacon, olives, celery, baby carrots, lemons, limes, cherry tomatoes, pickled green beans, deviled eggs, shrimp, crab legs—anything you like!
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Course; Cocktails

Moscow Ass

Moscow Ass

My obsession with ginger knows no bounds, though I once dated one who was a serious ass. Ginger root, or rhizome, rather, is my one true love, with its surplus of health properties and delectably spicy notes. I put it on everything and in everything, and if there’s an opportunity to sip it from an adorably hammered copper mug with a candied garnish, then you better believe I’m already there cheersing the bartender and talking about the meaning of life. Or why Jessica Simpson’s gestation period seems to be that of an elephant. Her pregnancies last for three years, no?
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Fill a copper mug with crushed ice.
  • Add the vodka and lime juice, top with the ginger beer, and stir.
  • Garnish with the lime wedge and mint sprig.
  • Enjoy.

Notes & Wine Advice

JUST THE TIPS
The type of ice matters here. Make sure to crush it! You can do this by pulsing the ice in a food processor or by putting it in a zip-top bag and breaking it up with a meat mallet.
It’s not necessary, but a Moscow Ass arguably tastes better out of a copper mug.
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Course; Cocktails

The Skinniest Margarita in the Room

The Skinniest Margarita in the Room

If you haven’t licked your Himalayan salt lamp yet, you’re lying. But this time we’re taking that Himalayan salt in granular form and using it to line the rim of a skinny margarita. Sure, having the bartender drop triple sec may be code for “mess me up until I forget my own name,” but tequila has become my drink of choice because a) it actually makes my hangovers less severe; b) it’s seemingly healthier because it isn’t derived from a carb such as potatoes or barley; and c) skinny margaritas. No matter your reasoning, I think we can all agree that salt, sweet, and alcohol is a perfect trifecta. At least for me… every day… at five p.m., when my patience wears as thin as Calista Flockhart in The Birdcage.
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Run a lime wedge around the rim of your glass; set the lime wedge aside for garnish.
  • Pour the salt onto a plate and dip the rim of the glass in the salt to coat.
  • Fill the glass with ice and set aside.
  • In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine the tequila, orange liqueur, and lime juice.
  • Shake until chilled.
  • Strain into the prepared glass and garnish with the lime wedge.
  • Enjoy.

Notes & Wine Advice

JUST THE TIPS
Use a quality tequila. For a skinny margarita, you are omitting the sour mix that contains a lot of sugar and hides a lot of the flavor of the tequila. Use a tequila that you’d be happy to drink on its own.
Are your limes too firm? Roll them under your hand on the counter to loosen the juices. Still too hard? Pop them in the microwave for a couple of seconds, but make sure not to let them go too long or they will burst!
Want to make a frozen skinny margarita? Freeze your citrus juice in ice trays and blitz it with the tequila, orange liqueur, and ice in a blender.
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Course; Cocktails

Kombitcha

Kombitcha

Since I’m a stomach-issue sufferer who’s about one accident away from permanently replacing underwear with Depends, I rely on kombucha for its scientifically touted digestive benefits (come through, fermentation). It also helps that the drink is fizzy and fun and can be tailored with spices, herbs, and fruit juices to create surprisingly complex flavor profiles. The process is a bit laborious, though, especially making the SCOBY, but so is doing your nails or filing your taxes. These tasks are simply nonnegotiable and always pay off in the long run. (At least the first one. I somehow owed money two years ago and am still bitter about it.)
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Ingredients

  • 10 cups cold filtered water
  • 8 bags black tea or 2 to 3 tablespoons loose-leaf black tea (or a mix of green and black tea)
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 12-ounce package SCOBY starter
  • 1 tablespoon distilled white vinegar optional

Instructions

  • Sterilize a 1-gallon glass jar with boiling water.
  • Set aside to dry.
  • In a medium saucepan, bring 2 cups of the filtered water to a boil.
  • Remove from the heat and add the tea bags.
  • Let sit for 5 minutes.
  • Remove the tea bags and stir in the sugar until it dissolves.
  • Transfer the sweetened tea to the sterilized jar.
  • Fill the jar with the remaining 8 cups filtered water, leaving 3 to 4 inches of space at the top of the jar.
  • Check the temperature of the tea: it should be between 68ºF and 88ºF, (the ideal temperature is 76º).
  • If the tea is too hot, it can damage the SCOBY.
  • Add the entire package of SCOBY starter and give the tea a stir.
  • It’s now time to test the pH of the tea.
  • Dip a pH test strip in the tea mixture and compare its color with the color chart: the pH should be 4.
  • 5 or below.
  • If the pH is too high, add the vinegar, stir, and test again.
  • Cover the top of the jar with a cotton cloth or a coffee filter and secure it with a rubber band.
  • Set the jar in a warm place out of direct sunlight—the top of a cupboard is a good option.
  • Let the brew sit for 7 to 14 days; do not move it.
  • At day 7, begin tasting your brew by using an eyedropper to draw a sample from the side of the jar, trying not to disturb the SCOBY culture that has formed on top of the brew.
  • The longer the tea ferments, the more sugar molecules are eaten up, resulting in a less sweet tea.
  • The end result should be slightly tart.
  • If it tastes too sweet, cover the jar and let the kombucha continue to ferment.
  • Check every day until the kombucha reaches your desired taste.
  • If it’s too tart, simply sweeten it during bottling and try fermenting it for fewer days next time.
  • Once your desired taste is reached, test the pH again.
  • The ideal pH for kombucha is between 2.
  • 5 and 3.
  • 5.
  • Now it’s time to bottle.
  • Using clean hands, remove the SCOBY culture from the brew and place in a sterilized glass jar with at least 1 cup of the kombucha brew.
  • This is your starter for next batch of kombucha!
  • Cover with a cotton cloth and secure with a rubber band.
  • Store in a warm, dark spot for up to a month until ready to brew your next batch.
  • Transfer the rest of the kombucha to sterilized glass mason jars, leaving about ½ inch of space at the top.
  • Seal the jars with their lids and leave them at room temperature, out of direct sunlight, for 1 to 3 days to begin their second fermentation, when they will become carbonated.
  • The longer you ferment it, the more carbonated it will be.
  • Refrigerate to stop the fermentation and carbonation.
  • Store in the refrigerator for up to 1 month.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
Black tea is ideal for kombucha, but green tea also works. Or try using a blend of black and green tea leaves.
JUST THE TIPS
Use only glass containers when making kombucha. No metal or plastic.
The type of sugar matters. You may be tempted to substitute other sugars for regular granulated sugar, but refrain! Granulated sugar is the best for feeding yeast and bacteria.
Plan ahead! Kombucha is a labor of love and requires two fermentation periods—the first for developing the perfect balance of tart and sweet and the second for developing bubbles.
While your kombucha is fermenting, taste it daily. If you let it sit too long, the yeast will die once it eats all the sugar, resulting in a vinegary-tasting product. If you don’t let it ferment long enough, your product will be a very sweet tea.
If your SCOBY develops any type of mold, throw it out and start all over with a new one.
THE MORE YOU GLOW
Since kombucha is a tea that has been fermented, it’s a good source of probiotics, which are great for gut health. It’s also rich in antioxidants.
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Course; Cocktails

Nut Milk

Nut Milk

Couverts4 cups
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Ingredients

  • 1 cup raw nuts cashews, almonds, pistachios, hazelnuts, pecans, walnuts, peanuts, or any others
  • 3 cups hot water
  • ¼ teaspoon kosher salt
  • 1 tablespoon honey agave nectar, or maple syrup (optional)

Instructions

  • Put the nuts in a medium bowl and cover with about 2 inches of water.
  • Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and transfer to the refrigerator to soak for at least 12 hours or up to 2 days.
  • The nuts will plump and soften the longer they sit.
  • For a creamier milk, let the nuts soak for a longer amount of time.
  • Drain and rinse the nuts and transfer them to a blender.
  • Add the hot water, salt, and honey, if using.
  • Blend on high speed for about 3 minutes.
  • Line a colander with cheesecloth and set it over a large bowl.
  • Strain the nut milk through the cheesecloth, pressing on the solids to release all the liquid.
  • Discard the nut pulp or reserve for future use.
  • Transfer the nut milk to an airtight container and refrigerate until ready to use, up to three days.

Notes & Wine Advice

JUST THE TIPS

Always use the freshest raw nuts to get the most flavor for your milk.
Avoid nuts with their skins on for a less chalky texture and increased flavor in your finished product.
You cannot oversoak your nuts! Soak for as little as 12 hours or as many as 48 hours for a silkier, tastier product.
Don’t throw away your strained nut pulp. Freeze it to add to smoothies, bake with your granola, or add to your oatmeal, or dry it out in the oven and use it as nut meal.
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Course; Basic recipe / Nuts