Recipes

Marinated Flank Steak

Marinated Flank Steak

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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Prepare marinade by adding, oil, vinegar, lemon juice, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, and garlic into a bowl.
  • Season with ground black pepper.
  • In a shallow glass dish, add the steak and pour marinade over it, coating it entirely.
  • Cover, and refrigerate for 6 hours.
  • Preheat grill for medium-high heat.
  • Preheat grill for medium-high heat.
  • Lightly grease the grill grate.
  • Discard the marinade and place steaks on the grill.
  • Grill meat for 5 minutes per side.
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Course; Barbecue

Basic Bitch Banana Bread

Basic Bitch Banana Bread

If there’s one quick-and-easy baked good you can bring to a PTA or sorority fundraiser, it’s banana bread. This is the loaf that was meant for popped collars, pearls, that picnic basket that looks like Dorothy’s, and anyone named Karen. Or anyone named Dorothy, for that matter. Sounds basic enough. All you need are overly ripe bananas and a few other pantry staples to whip up a moist and dense delight that even banana haters typically enjoy. Walnuts are completely optional, though they’re not something I ever turn down because nuts are supposed to be good for your cognitive function and I need all the help I can get. What’s Dorothy’s last name again? Topeka?
Couverts1 loaf
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
  • Grease a 9 by 5-inch loaf pan with nonstick spray and line with parchment paper.
  • Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
  • Peel 4 bananas and place them on the prepared baking sheet.
  • Roast for 20 minutes.
  • Remove from the oven and transfer the bananas to a medium bowl; keep the oven on.
  • Using a potato masher, mash until smooth.
  • You should have about 1½ cups mashed banana.
  • Set aside to cool.
  • In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon to combine and set aside.
  • In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and light brown sugar until light and fluffy.
  • Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
  • Add the mashed bananas and vanilla.
  • Add half the flour mixture, followed by the buttermilk.
  • Add the remaining flour mixture.
  • Remove the bowl from the stand mixer and stir in the walnuts and chocolate, if using.
  • Pour the batter into the prepared loaf pan.
  • Peel the remaining banana and slice in half lengthwise.
  • Press the two halves into the top of the batter, cut-side up.
  • Bake for 1 hour, until a toothpick inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean.
  • Remove from the oven and let cool completely.
  • Slice and serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

Banana bread is the perfect treat to make if you need to use the bananas that you forgot about on your counter.
The riper the bananas get, the sweeter they become. Roasting the bananas brings out even more flavor.
Banana bread freezes very well. Slice into portions and freeze individually. When you’re in a rush, you can grab a piece from the freezer and pop it in the microwave for 30 seconds for a quick breakfast or snack.
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Course; Bread / Cake / Fruit

Blue-Ribbon Blueberry Muffins

Blue-Ribbon Blueberry Muffins

When it comes to blueberry muffins, I pledge Epsilon Alpha Tau (EAT). In fact, I’ll be hazed ten times over for just a morsel of streusel topping. But the things I’d do for just a muffin top (and not one that grows on my own body), well, that’s best suited for a different type of book. It’s between me and the Muffin Man, and frankly, I don’t kiss and tell. But I do share recipes, and this one for a standard, albeit orgasmic, blueberry muffin will replace Grandma’s or anything you have been working from since you learned how to bake. The ratio of fruit vs. cakey goodness is award-winning, if I do say so myself. Like I’m actually tempted to take a trip to Party City and buy a ribbon every time I make these. Sorry, not sorry.
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
  • Grease 16 muffin cups with nonstick spray.
  • In a large bowl, whisk together the all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt to combine and set aside.
  • In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and granulated sugar until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes.
  • Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
  • Add the vanilla, lemon zest, lemon juice, and sour cream.
  • Reduce the mixer speed to low and slowly add half the flour mixture, mixing until fully incorporated.
  • Add the buttermilk and mix to combine.
  • Add the remaining flour mixture and mix to combine.
  • Remove the bowl from the stand mixer and fold in the blueberries with a rubber spatula.
  • Scoop the batter into the prepared muffin cups, dividing it evenly.
  • Sprinkle with raw sugar.
  • Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through, until the muffins are cooked through and golden.
  • Transfer the pans to a wire rack for at least 5 minutes, then remove from the pan and transfer to the wire rack to cool completely.

Notes & Wine Advice

If you want to be really fussy, you can reserve about ½ cup of the blueberries and place them on top of the batter after you’ve filled your muffin tins. This will ensure you get the pretty look of the blueberries bursting on top of the muffins.
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Course; Cupcakes-Brownies / Fruit

Cinnamon Rolls with Stupid Amounts of Cream Cheese Frosting

Cinnamon Rolls with Stupid Amounts of Cream Cheese Frosting

They say there’s nothing like a well-balanced, nutritious breakfast to start your day, to which I say, “To hell with that.” Breakfast is the best excuse to eat dishes that are practically dessert, all before ten a.m. and minus the guilt. Cinnamon rolls are a gooey and excellent way to ignore the food pyramid and go hog wild on cream cheese frosting, which, frankly, should cover the entire food pyramid. Because have you eaten anything that doesn’t taste better with more cream cheese frosting? No, you haven’t.
Couverts9
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Ingredients

FOR THE ICING

Instructions

  • In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook, combine the warm water, yeast, and 2 tablespoons of the granulated sugar.
  • Let stand for 5 minutes, until the yeast is frothy.
  • Add 5 tablespoons of the melted butter, the vanilla, and the egg and mix to combine.
  • In a large bowl, stir together the flour, 6 tablespoons of the granulated sugar, and the salt to combine.
  • With the mixer on low speed, gradually add the flour mixture and mix until the dough pulls away from the side of the bowl and forms a ball, about 5 minutes.
  • Continue to mix until the dough is shiny and elastic, about 5 minutes.
  • Transfer the dough to a greased bowl and let rise in a warm spot until doubled in size, about 1 hour.
  • Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, combine the remaining ½ cup granulated sugar with the light brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt.
  • Set aside.
  • Grease a 12-inch cast-iron skillet with nonstick spray.
  • On a lightly floured surface, roll out the dough to a 16 by 14-inch rectangle.
  • Depending on the climate, you may need to add additional flour to make the dough thicker.
  • Spread the remaining melted butter over the surface of the dough and sprinkle with the cinnamon-sugar mixture.
  • Starting from one long side, roll the dough into a tight log.
  • Cut a 1-foot-long piece of unflavored dental floss.
  • Slide it under the cinnamon roll log and cross the ends over the top to cut the log into 2½-inch-thick rolls.
  • If you do not have floss, use a serrated knife, wiping the blade clean after each cut.
  • Place the cinnamon rolls in the prepared cast-iron skillet and cover with plastic wrap.
  • Let rise in a warm place for 30 minutes.
  • Preheat the oven to 325ºF.
  • Bake the cinnamon rolls for 45 minutes, until cooked through.
  • Remove from the oven and let rest for 10 minutes.
  • Meanwhile, make the icing: In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the cream cheese and butter until combined.
  • Gradually add the confectioners’ sugar, vanilla, milk, and salt and beat until light and fluffy.
  • Spread the icing over the cinnamon rolls and serve warm.

Notes & Wine Advice

LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN
Make these cinnamon rolls your own. Switch up the spices by adding some ground coriander, ginger, or nutmeg. Fold in some orange zest for a fresh kick, or top with chopped nuts or dried fruits. And who could forget chocolate!
JUST THE TIPS
If you prefer a smaller cinnamon roll, simply cut the rolls into 1-inch pieces, use two 12-inch cast-iron skillets, and bake for 35 minutes.
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Course; Breakfast

Lumberjack Boyfriend–Approved Apple Cider Doughnuts

Lumberjack Boyfriend–Approved Apple Cider Doughnuts

The arrival of apple cider doughnut season is meant to be sung from the rooftops at Kesha “Praying” scream-note levels of enthusiasm. They’re the sole reason why you dress your boyfriend up as a lumberjack and bring him to an orchard, other than Instagram opportunities, of course. I’m not sure what it is about the hot, flaky, sugary bag that can probably solve world peace or decode the root cause of Lana del Rey’s many moods (which I relate to oh-so-much), but I’m always here for it, first in line, weathering the elements of public transportation to get there. On the off chance I’m not willing to make the trek north from Manhattan, this recipe totally suffices. Just be sure to document your efforts on social media, or it may not be worth the effort.
Couverts12
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
  • Grease two 6-cavity doughnut pans with nonstick spray.
  • In a small saucepan, heat the apple cider over high heat until it has reduced to ½ cup, about 10 minutes.
  • Cool completely.
  • In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt, 1 teaspoon of the cinnamon, and the nutmeg to combine.
  • In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter, light brown sugar, and ½ cup of the granulated sugar until light and fluffy, about 4 minutes.
  • Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
  • Add the vanilla and beat to combine.
  • On low speed, add half of the flour mixture, followed by the reduced apple cider.
  • Add the remaining flour mixture and beat until the batter comes together.
  • Transfer the batter to a large piping bag and pipe it into the prepared doughnut pans so the cavities are about two-thirds full.
  • Bake until golden brown and cooked through, 12 to 15 minutes, rotating the pans halfway through.
  • Remove from the oven and let cool in the pans for 10 minutes.
  • Transfer to a wire rack set over a baking sheet.
  • In a shallow bowl, combine the remaining ½ cup granulated sugar and the remaining 1 teaspoon cinnamon.
  • Brush the doughnuts all over with the melted butter and dip them into the cinnamon-sugar mixture, coating the doughnuts fully.
  • Serve immediately.

Notes & Wine Advice

These doughnuts make buying a doughnut pan worth it. No need to go to the apple orchard for fresh apple cider doughnuts this year!
For added apple flavor, we’ve cooked down the apple cider into an apple cider concentrate to get the most bang for our buck.
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Course; Breakfast / Cake

One Hot Pair

One Hot Pair

Buttermilk Currant Scones with Homemade Raspberry Jam
When two become one,you don’t get just an amazing Spice Girls song. Scones and jam go together likepeas and carrots, except way less disgusting. And ever since I rocked ayin-yang necklace in second grade, my life is all about balance. This dynamicduo is something I can house at Guinness World Record levels of consumption,which can be said about pretty much everything in this book. The onlydifference is that scones are way too easy on the palate, as if you’reswallowing pillows of layered goodness. And for someone who is in a chronicstate of sleep deprivation, swallowing pillows (and not pills) apparentlyresonates with me. (If I can’t sleep on them, I may as well eat them, right?)
Couverts8
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Ingredients

FOR THE RASPBERRY JAM

FOR THE SCONES

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 375ºF.
  • Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
  • First make the raspberry jam: In a small saucepan, combine the raspberries, sugar, lemon juice, and salt.
  • Bring to a boil over high heat, stirring until the sugar has dissolved.
  • Skim off any light-colored foam around the sides and discard.
  • Cook, stirring occasionally, until thickened and the temperature reaches 220ºF, 12 to 15 minutes.
  • Remove from the heat.
  • Strain through a fine-mesh sieve to remove some or all of the seeds, if desired.
  • Ladle into a mason jar and cool completely.
  • Make the scones: In a large bowl, combine the cake flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and granulated sugar.
  • Add the butter and, using a pastry blender or your fingers, blend the butter into the flour until it is in pea-size pieces.
  • Create a well in the center of the bowl and add the eggs, buttermilk, and vanilla.
  • Using a fork, mix the ingredients until they are just combined into a shaggy dough.
  • Add the currants, if using, and knead until combined.
  • Lightly flour a work surface and roll the dough out into a 1-inch-thick round using a rolling pin.
  • Cut into 8 wedges.
  • Put the wedges on the prepared baking sheet.
  • Brush with buttermilk and sprinkle with raw sugar.
  • Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until golden brown and crisp.
  • Serve warm, with the raspberry jam.

Notes & Wine Advice

The raspberry jam will keep in the jar in the fridge for up to 1 month. Freeze your scones before baking for a quick make-ahead treat. Simply take the scones out of the freezer while the oven is preheating and place on a baking sheet. Add a couple of minutes to the baking time to account for the scones being partially frozen.
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Course; Bread / Breakfast

Healthy Herbed Omelet

Healthy Herbed Omelet

Couverts1
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • In a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat, heat 1 tablespoon of the avocado oil.
  • Add the cremini mushrooms and sauté until golden brown, about 6 minutes.
  • Add the garlic and shallot and cook until translucent, 2 minutes.
  • Add the baby spinach and cook until the spinach wilts and the water cooks out, 5 minutes.
  • Season with salt and pepper.
  • Transfer to a paper towel–lined plate and set aside.
  • In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs whites, egg, and milk until light and frothy.
  • Add the parsley, chives, and dill.
  • Season with salt.
  • In the same skillet, heat the remaining 1 tablespoon avocado oil over medium heat.
  • Add the egg mixture and swirl it around the pan.
  • Gently stir the egg mixture with a rubber spatula, then swirl the pan, spreading the eggs around the sides of the pan.
  • Reduce the heat to low and cook until the egg is mostly set.
  • Add the mushroom-spinach mixture to the middle of the eggs.
  • Fold the omelet in thirds by tilting the pan and helping the top of the omelet roll over the center and onto a serving plate.
  • Garnish with chopped chives.
  • Serve immediately.

Notes & Wine Advice

Make sure to drain the spinach after cooking to avoid excess liquid in your omelet.
If calories aren’t a concern, add goat cheese for some tartness or Parmesan for some saltiness.
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Course; Eggs

BEC Sando for a Crowd

BEC Sando for a Crowd

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Ingredients

Instructions

  • Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
  • Line a 9 by 13-inch rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper, leaving a 2-inch overhang on two sides.
  • Grease with nonstick spray.
  • Put the bacon on a separate baking sheet and bake until crispy, about 20 minutes.
  • In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs and season with salt and pepper.
  • Pour onto the prepared baking sheet.
  • Carefully transfer to the oven alongside the bacon and bake the eggs for 12 to 15 minutes until set.
  • Meanwhile, heat a large nonstick skillet over medium heat.
  • Add 1 tablespoon of the butter and begin toasting the bread on one side.
  • Transfer to a baking sheet and repeat with the remaining bread, adding 1 tablespoon of butter after every two slices.
  • Remove the eggs and bacon from the oven.
  • Reduce the oven temperature to 200ºF.
  • Drain the bacon on paper towels.
  • Invert the eggs onto a cutting board and discard the parchment paper.
  • Top the eggs with the cheese slices and cut into 6 squares.
  • Put an egg square on a piece of toasted bread.
  • Top with 2 slices of cooked bacon and sandwich with another piece of bread.
  • Repeat with the remaining ingredients until you have 6 sandwiches.
  • Place the egg sandwiches in the oven to keep warm until ready to serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

This is a quick-and-easy way to make BEC sandwiches for a crowd! Keep the sandwiches in a 200ºF oven until ready to serve. Even your last rising houseguest will get a warm breakfast sandwich.
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Course; Eggs

Sweet, Spice, and Pretty Damn Nice Chicken and Waffles with a Homemade Biscuit

Sweet, Spice, and Pretty Damn Nice Chicken and Waffles with a Homemade Biscuit

If loving canned biscuits is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. And if you are what you eat, then I’m hot and spicy. But also a chicken. (You can’t have it all.) One of my favorite breakfast indulgences is spicy fried chicken served on waffles with a biscuit. Homemade biscuits aren’t necessary, but because it’s in our innate basic bitch nature to impress everyone we come into contact with, I’m offering a recipe that puts your favorite breakfast spot’s biscuits to shame. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Cracker Barrel (even though I’ll always be here for your cinnamon-forward Old Country Store). Top these bad boys with angelic syrup for a sweet escape that will almost allow you to forgive the South for its plethora of sometimes true stereotypes.
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Ingredients

FOR THE SPICY FRIED CHICKEN

FOR THE CHEDDAR-CHIVE BISCUITS

Instructions

  • First make the spicy fried chicken: In a gallon-size zip-top bag, combine the buttermilk and hot sauce.
  • Season the chicken with salt and black pepper and add to the buttermilk.
  • Marinate in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour and up to overnight.
  • Fill a large Dutch oven with 3 inches of vegetable oil and heat the oil to 365ºF.
  • Line a baking sheet with a wire rack.
  • In a large bowl, combine the seasoned salt, 1 teaspoon of the garlic powder, ½ teaspoon of the cayenne, the all-purpose flour, rice flour, cornstarch, and baking powder.
  • Add a few tablespoons of the buttermilk marinade and mix to create clumps.
  • This will help make the chicken extra crispy.
  • Remove the chicken from the buttermilk marinade and dredge the pieces one at a time in the flour mixture.
  • Dip back in the buttermilk and then the flour mixture again, creating a double dredge.
  • A few pieces at a time, add the chicken to the hot oil and cook until golden brown and the internal temperature reaches 165ºF, 6 to 8 minutes, flipping halfway through.
  • Transfer to the prepared baking sheet and season with salt.
  • Repeat to fry the remaining chicken.
  • Set the frying pan aside to cool.
  • In a large bowl, whisk together the remaining 2 teaspoons cayenne, the remaining 1 teaspoon garlic powder, the dark brown sugar, paprika, and the chili powder.
  • Whisk in 1 cup of the frying oil until combined.
  • Using a pastry brush, brush the fried chicken with the spicy oil.
  • Keep the cooked chicken in a warm oven until ready to serve.
  • Next, make the cheddar-chive biscuits: Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
  • In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, granulated sugar, baking powder, and salt.
  • Using a pastry cutter or your fingertips, blend in the butter until it is broken down into pea-size pieces.
  • Add the cheddar and chives and mix to combine.
  • Add the buttermilk and stir until the dough just comes together.
  • Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and press it into a 6-inch square.
  • Cut it into nine 2-inch squares.
  • Brush with the melted butter and bake for 20 to 25 minutes.
  • Meanwhile, make the waffles: Line a baking sheet with a wire rack.
  • Heat a waffle iron according to the manufacturer’s instructions.
  • In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, granulated sugar, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon.
  • In another large bowl, whisk together the milk, vanilla, eggs yolks, and melted butter.
  • In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, beat the egg whites until they hold stiff peaks, about 3 minutes.
  • Fold the milk–egg yolk mixture into the flour mixture until fully combined.
  • Fold in the egg whites, making sure they are combined; do not overmix.
  • Coat your waffle iron with nonstick spray.
  • Scoop ½ cup of the batter into the waffle iron and cook according to the manufacturer’s instructions until golden brown and cooked through, 3 to 4 minutes.
  • Transfer to the prepared baking sheet and keep warm in the oven.
  • Repeat with the remaining batter.
  • To serve, place 2 waffles on each plate and top with slices of butter and maple syrup.
  • Add a chicken thigh, a drumstick, and a biscuit to each plate.
  • Serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

The unbaked biscuits can be frozen for up to 3 months in a zip-top bag before baking. If you’re baking from frozen, add about 5 minutes to the baking time.
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Course; Chicken

Non-Elderly Oatmeal with Goji Berries

Non-Elderly Oatmeal with Goji Berries

Dinosaur oatmeal was essentially my first introduction to science. How did the eggs disappear to reveal sprinkle dino children? Why do the T. rex and triceratops on the box literally salivate over the idea of eating their babies? It’s a lot to take in, but truly defined a pivotal state of my childhood development. While dinosaur oatmeal isn’t appropriate in adulthood (actually, I take that back: it’s always appropriate), you can liven up standard oatmeal with an impressive array of healthy ingredients such as goji berries and hemp seeds to take it from nursing home staple to “Ohhhh, child, are you Chef Girlardee?” levels of yum.
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Ingredients

Instructions

  • In a medium saucepot, combine the oat milk, water, and vanilla.
  • Bring to a simmer.
  • Reduce the heat to low and add the oats.
  • Cook at a low simmer, stirring occasionally, until the oats have absorbed the liquid, the mixture has thickened, and the oats are tender, about 20 minutes.
  • Stir in the maple syrup and salt.
  • Remove from the heat.
  • Scoop the oatmeal into bowls and garnish with a sprinkling of cinnamon, the hemp seeds, goji berries, and pumpkin seeds.
  • Serve.

Notes & Wine Advice

The oat milk adds a little extra creaminess and enhances the oat flavor, but feel free to use any milk you desire, including coconut milk, nut milk, or cow’s milk.
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Course; Breakfast / Fruit